The Lifetime TV network has a show called Army Wives. It is about exactly what you think its about. Army Wives. As an Army wife, I was intrigued. I was curious which attributes and stereotypes they would play up. Although they cannot convey all that we go through, I feel that Lifetime has done a decent job of getting our story out there. From what I have experienced as an Army wife, it is a story worth telling. Some of the strongest women I know are or have been military spouses. I think the greatest thing that I have learned is not to take anyone or any moment for granted. "We live while we can, laugh while we can and love while we can." We understand to live for today because tomorrow you may be saying goodbye. Goodbye for us is not "see you soon" it is "if I don't come home, know that I love you more than anything in the world, but know that I will come home." We say goodbye with only the hope of "Welcome Home."
However sending our husbands off is only one of the goodbyes we learn to say. At some point, I will have to say goodbye to some of the most amazing women I have ever met. Home will have a new meaning and location. At some point, we will all move on. We will leave where we are, go to another duty station, or try to get used to being civilians again. You see in the army nothing is guaranteed.
We live for today. We soak up every moment and memory. We reach out to each other. We form bonds with other wives quickly because we may only have a couple of months at the same duty station. What most army wives won't let you see is the tears we cry, the pain that we feel, the aching loss of going through another anniversary, birthday, or holiday season without our husbands, but with other military wives we will let that guard down. We learn the importance of friendship because we know that our friends are the ones that are there for us. Our families are a great support system, but it is our fellow army/military spouses that understand the conflicting emotions that this life brings.
While I have been counting down the days for my husband's R&R, one of my friends has been counting the days until her husband leaves. She is as happy for me as I am sad for her. I know her pain. I remember what those last few weeks felt like. You soak up every moment. Memorize every smile, because in the next couple of months that is all that you will have. There is always a conflict of emotions in this life we lead. My friends and I support each other although we rarely are going through the same thing at the same time. However the driving force for us all is the same, we have great love.
This is the hardest part to explain, because unless you have lived it you will not understand. In all our separations over the last almost two years, my love for my husband has grown. The question I hate the most is " I just don't know how you do it?" It's not a question at all for me. I do it because I love my husband. I'm not talking high school crush here. I'm talking the kind of love that goes beyond looks and mutual interests. I'm talking about the kind of love that supports a person while they fulfill a dream. A kind of love that makes you physically ache because you miss that person so much. You see with great love comes great sacrifice. Do my husband and I have a great love? Yes, I think so. My personal opinion is that the military couples that not only survive deployments but truly grow in their relationship during these times of separation truly have a great love. They have to. My friend B's husband was deployed last year with the Navy. She has been an inspiration to me, and I stole her goal (so to speak) from her husbands deployment. She decided that surviving a deployment was not enough. She would thrive. Her incredible perspective, on what can be a trying and even relationship ending time, helped me get perspective on my hubbies current deployment. Life and love are about perspective. I could think about all the things that we are missing out on, or we can use this time to strengthen our relationship and to improve on ourselves as individuals. My greatest inspiration through this trying time has been my husband. He could be sitting over there just doing what he has to just get by and get it over with. Instead he is taking advantage of the situation to further his career and truly thrive.
With all that said, I am not saying this so that you will feel pity for me as an Army wife. It is the last thing I want, need or deserve. I say this to inspire you to appreciate what you have. To
evaluate your life and see if a change of perspective is needed to make your life more fulfilled. Lastly, I write this to encourage you to tell everyone you love how you feel. Life is fragile, and tomorrow is never a guarantee.
